Love Skill #21 – Use Silence as a Tool of Love


Love Skill #21

Use Silence as a Tool of Love 

By Dr. Scott Peck & Shannon Peck 


When a heart that is speaking
encounters your loving silence,
it opens even wider

Listening with silence is a profound way of honoring another’s heart.

The temptation, of course, is to interrupt and respond to someone sharing because you too have lots to say.
Or perhaps what has been said has triggered a response within you. It’s often not easy to be silent.

By choosing to remain silent, despite this triggering, you let the ball stay in the other person’s court. He or she remains in control of where the conversation next moves. Relax, knowing you will have a turn soon enough.

Silence creates freedom for the other person speaking. He or she can even take time to pause and reflect before sharing more, because your loving silence says, without words, “This is your moment to let your heart fully speak. I want to honor you and give you maximum freedom to explore and share.”

You are practicing great listening! Let your body language also show your interest – by eye contact, active facial interest, and even leaning closer at times.

We all know what it feels like when we are sharing from the heart and another person just can’t wait to speak. We feel the interrupting pressure, even if it is unstated. So we usually close down our hearts, stop speaking, and come to a close. Our intimacy level drops dramatically. And they might not have a clue why.
Whenever another person is speaking deeply from the heart, or you want to encourage someone to be open at a deeper level, silence is a golden love skill.

When using the love skill of silence, there may be awkward moments. Even a few seconds of silence can seem so empty that you might feel compelled to say something.

Yet right here in this void or empty space is a place where deep insight, love, healing, and intimacy can thrive. In silence, others become assured of your genuine interest. It’s so rare, however, that they may feel a bit stunned. Remember that silence is not a negative void but a quiet, restful place of reflection. Be comfortable with your silence. Feel its loving power. Let it work its wonders.

As you become skilled in being silent, you will discover that others begin sharing at a new level of intimacy. They may use a few seconds of the silence to test the sincerity of your heart before they open even more. But in genuine silence, their hearts will open.

Silence is another invisible love skill. When someone is silent and gives our heart space to express itself in freedom and safety, we feel genuinely loved even though we may not know why or how this happened.

Silence is a treasured secret of a Love Master.


Divine Love heals with silence

Action Step

Practice being silent as you are listening.
Rather than speaking in a pause,
give your guest the freedom
of silence

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Copyright (c) 2006-2017 by Scott & Shannon Peck

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