Love Skill #42 – Get Feelings Out

Peace Skill #3 

Get Feelings Out

By Dr. Scott Peck & Shannon Peck




Peace moves closer when feelings
find an outlet with non-violent expression


Feelings need to get out. In conflict, one side, or both sides, feel victimized. The feelings of anger, hurt, hostility, and even revenge are very real – even explosive.

Peace moves closer when these feelings find an outlet with non-violent expression.

It may not look like peace when someone is venting with emotions, but the road to peace begins with creating an environment where feelings can be freely expressed.

Creating such an environment is essential as a Love Master. The spilling out of feelings is part of a much bigger process leading towards peace – even though it looks far away. Your role is not to squash the feelings, but to create a setting where neither party harms the other.

Even at the worst moment of someone’s anger or hurt, let your love presence softly provide leadership.

For example, you might say, “I encourage you to share your feelings. This is a necessary part of healing to let them out. I am going to listen and love you as you do.”

Remember, you may not get a polite or loving response back, but it doesn’t matter. You are setting the stage for peace. This may be the biggest love test of your day to stay in a place of peace within yourself. Get outside the “moment” or the “words” flying about. You are setting peace in motion. The beginning is never easy.

If you are creating peace between two conflicting parties, you might say, “You are both very upset. I’d like to hear each of your feelings so we can understand each other. Rather than having a verbal duel, let’s share one at a time. If it’s all right with you, I’ll be the peace referee.”

Once you make the decision to be a peace maker, stay centered. Remain anchored in moving the peace plot forward. You know that an open sharing of feelings is essential, even if it is not easy or pleasant.

If you happen to be one of the parties in the conflict, well, now the soup gets hotter. It’s mighty hard to be part of a conflict and simultaneously be a Love Master determined to create peace. But you can. Peace is always a choice – every single second.

For example, after envisioning what peace might look like as best you can, and gathering as much calmness into your soul as possible, you might say, “I know you are extremely upset. So am I. But I know deep within there is an answer. Let’s listen to each other honestly and openly without fighting and with non-violent language. Why don’t you share your feelings first and I’ll listen without interrupting.”

If the other person slips into blaming or condemning, just keep remembering that your goal is to get the feelings out and keep the peace process edging forward.

It takes wisdom and patience to get everyone’s feelings out, but this is your role as a Love Master.

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Copyright (c) 2006-2017 by Scott & Shannon Peck

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