Love Skill #45 – Be a Loving & Detached Observer

Peace Skill #6   (Love Skill #45)

Be a Loving & Detached Observer

By Dr. Scott Peck 


Your presence as a loving, detached observer
will be deeply felt by those
in conflict


Loving detachment during a conflict enables you as a Love Master to stay anchored in inner peace where you can be of higher value to the peace-building process.

To stay detached means that you do not allow yourself to get sucked into the conflict through your own sympathy, frustration, anger, opinion, or point of view.

In a detached mode, you become a better observer. You can see the forest as well as the trees. You can more easily understand other’s feelings and points of view from multiple angles of interpretation. You don’t feel the need to take sides. Your detached observation enables you to see more clearly the needs and issues behind the story. You are more in an information-gathering mode than a resolution mode.

Being detached as an observer puts you in a stronger place of contribution to peace. Your detachment, however, can come across as being cold and uncaring. That’s why it’s so important, as a Love Master, to be both loving and detached.

For example, if you were detached as an observer but without a loving heart, you might say, “I know we are both upset and feeling angry at each other. But that’s just the way it will be until it blows over.” This might be an accurate statement, but it would feel cold and unhelpful to those in conflict.

On the other hand, if you were speaking from a place of loving detachment, you might say, “I’m sorry that each of us is suffering. I can see what a toll this is taking on us. But we are both getting our feelings out in the open. This is a healing step and I’m grateful for that.”

Your presence as a loving, detached observer will be deeply felt in conflict. Loving detachment from the conflict lowers conflict tension because you, in a true sense, have already transcended the conflict by being both loving and detached. Those in conflict will feel this healing energy.

By being a loving and detached observer, you dramatically affect the peace process. Remember, your goal at this point is not a peace outcome or conclusion. The goal, for now, is simply to create an environment of love where the early seeds and tender sprouts of peace can begin to emerge and take root rather than be beaten back down by continuing conflict.

It takes a great deal of mental and heart energy to stay both loving and detached. The forces of conflict will perpetually try to drag you in, but, as a Love Master, you understand the peace process.

You know the healing power of being a loving, detached observer.

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Copyright (c) 2006-2017 by Scott & Shannon Peck

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